27 May 2025
With a little forethought, a number of ways exist for tackling anguish during manager-employee meetings. Adam Bernstein highlights some ideas to make this process much smoother for both managers and employees
Adam Bernstein
Job Title
Image: Siphosetu Fanti/peopleimages.com / Adobe Stock
Some people really do not mind meetings and are not phased by being one-on-one with another – either as a manager or staff member. But for others – especially those new to their management role – the idea gives them the chills.
However, with proper preparation beforehand, it need not be so, and by following four simple steps any likely anguish could be banished.
According to a 2019 survey from Spinach AI of more than 1,000 individuals, both managers and employees felt that one-on-one meetings were important, but did not agree on how they were conducted1. In fact, 70% of managers and just 53% of employees rated these meetings 8, 9 or 10 out of 10.
Interestingly, 75% of managers reckoned that employees left the meeting motivated while just 58% of employees said the same.
That is quite a difference of perspective for both sets of responses.
However, it is not too hard to change these scores if the manager calling the meeting prepares – a process that is neither hard nor time consuming.
Everyone knows, or should know, that preparation is everything, so that when they walk into a meeting they know why they are going in, what they want to achieve and the history of what is being discussed. This means knowing what staff are working on to not waste precious minutes just to get up to speed – time that could be used more profitably, uncovering new and fresh information.
It makes sense, therefore, to prepare for the meeting beforehand by understanding the latest position on the topic or employee in question; the contents of minutes or documents from the last or previous meetings; and checking for any action points that should have been completed or that need follow up.
Understanding all of this will help formulate questions to pose in the meeting.
It is all well and good the manager creates the agenda, but it is going to be, by definition, one sided.
In contrast, having the other person create the agenda – beforehand and from their perspective – will help them with any questions and concerns that they have.
Clearly, the manager will want to address their needs for an outcome, but it will not hurt to let the other side vent their feelings first before control of the meeting is retaken. Indeed, following this tack may make the other person feel both engaged and valued.
Of course, the manager will want to review the agenda before the meeting and offer up any additions for what they want to talk about. The main talking points should not be a surprise to either side.
While we have seen that it makes good managerial sense to let an employee write the agenda as they see it, it nevertheless is important for the manager to do the same to keep overall control of the meeting.
This means independent thinking to consider any concerns that they may have in relation to the employee; for example, how they work with others and in the team as a whole, whether they are being stretched, or any general team issues that need addressing.
In overview, it should be possible to group questions into four subject areas:
These four subject areas should help the manager form questions that will keep the conversation flowing. It is important to remember that questions posed should be open and use phrases such as “how, what and why”, so as to not allow closed or short answers. It is useful to have several questions on hand for each of the four areas outlined; even if they are not all asked, it is good to have them on tap just in case conversation becomes difficult or dries up.
Consider asking:
Truth be told, it is the asking of personal questions at the start of the meeting that can help break the ice and open up the conversation. Without gently starting the meeting, the employee is likely to feel more on edge, and so less likely to offer their true thoughts. Meanwhile, for the manager, such a meeting will be “cold” and less enjoyable.
Just as an employee may have concerns about attending one-on-one meetings, since it might lead to unwanted news or comments, so a manager meeting may feel uncomfortable being in a position where they have to feedback something that may be unpleasant. But that is the job.
Even so, it helps to remember that a one-on-one meeting is meant to be a two-way street where the manager may be running it, but is primarily there to listen and absorb information being shared.
One-on-one meetings can be difficult, but they do not need to be.
With a little preparation and planning, they can be a great way to pass information and concerns in two directions for the benefit of all.
