28 Apr
Kai Dillenburger-Keenan shares her experience with this phenomenon and how she is working to overcome it.
Image © Daniel / Adobe Stock
The impostor phenomenon is something that often gets bypassed when starting out as a veterinary professional. The initial feeling of inadequacy and incompetence can hinder the way we do our job, and it is something that should be spoken about openly to let others know that it is not uncommon.
Becoming a registered veterinary nurse has been one of the biggest achievements of my life thus far. It is something I had wanted to be since I was little and something I never thought was possible, thanks to the lack of support from some teachers in school. It is one of the most difficult, yet rewarding, jobs that exists and I am proud to be in the profession.
But it wasn’t easy to accept I was a professional at the start of my career. Being qualified just shy of three years, I am starting to have a bit more belief that I might actually be okay at what I do.
Starting off in a first opinion practice, in my home of Northern Ireland, I was a keen student who wanted to be involved with everything I possibly could be. I jumped at any opportunity to learn about surgeries, anaesthesia, general nursing care, medications, and how to interact with the members of the public professionally and empathetically. I was never in charge of anything and just took each day as it came. Errors were made, but each one created a learning opportunity. This was all well and good, as “students make mistakes” and “the responsibility lies with the qualified members of staff”.
When I passed my final exams in 2020, I became that person. I was the qualified member of staff. I suddenly had all the responsibility. I was ultimately getting paid to give advice people would take as gospel, and I was 100% trusted with their animals’ lives.
This is when the panic started creeping in. I wanted to go back to being a student, where the only stresses I had was whether I’d pass my OSCEs, or if I should have gone back to the shop to get the 5kg bag of pasta instead of the 1kg bag.
Impostor syndrome is often characterised as the chronic feeling of inadequacy, incompetence and fraudulence, regardless of the objective success (Owens, 2021).
I passed my degree with a very good grade, but despite this, I still did not feel I should be giving guidance on these people’s pets. All the potential “what ifs?” circulated through my brain. I would constantly worry that I would say or do something wrong – this feeling slowly started fading the longer I was in the job.
Getting my first written “thank you” from a client was when it started to sink in that I helped someone and managed to teach them something I had only been taught not too long prior. I remember the feeling, and I was extremely appreciative of Belle the dachshund and her owners for giving me the boost I needed. On top of this, I was nominated for two awards, coming runner-up in one of them. This was ridiculous to me. I’d had that much of an impact on someone and their pet that they took time out of their day to put my name forward for an award. This is still something that blows my mind to this day.
Moving to England last year and starting in a referral hospital, I recognised I was reliving a lot of the feelings I had from shifting from student to RVN and all the similar concerns started trickling back into my brain. Not only was it extremely frustrating, it was also upsetting. I had worked so hard to overcome the initial impostor syndrome and it felt like I had to start back at square one.
Having now been there a year, I have started to feel like I am able to do my part for the team and have gained more confidence than ever. The feeling still niggles in the background, but perseverance, time and having a body of people around you that you can almost guarantee have felt the same way before, helps with the weird phenomenon that is impostor syndrome.