High-functioning anxiety in the workplace – tools to help you cope

As a vet nurse I have diligently participated in Veterinary Nursing Awareness Month and the promotion of the profession. However, after the challenges of the past year I have had some time to think over my time in the profession and there is an aspect I want to discuss.

Let me start with a story. It’s the middle of the night in November – so dark it takes your eyes a moment to adjust when you wake up. I had arrived at my boyfriend’s flat in Wimbledon at about 11:30pm after spending all evening breathing for a patient while waiting for its owner to arrive and decide on the next course of action.

Exhausted

I had gotten in, shrugged off my scrubs and climbed into bed in my underwear, too drained to eat or get changed. I had started my shift 12-and-a-half hours before I got home, I last ate 10 hours ago and couldn’t say the last time I had been to the loo or had a drink. The last of my conscious energy was used getting home safely on the tube in south London, at night, on my own – a thing that still scares me now.

I had spent three hours breathing for and keeping the small dog that had been crushed by a car alive so that its owners could come to say their final goodbye. After comforting the family and preparing the patient for cremation, I still had to clean up the practice and leave it ready for the next day of work, which I would be starting at 8am.

I went to bed completely emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. I was a student nurse, and many experiences were new and overwhelming for me, but I was desperate to prove myself and do my best. I had left everything in the best state possible and felt confident of a pat on the back the next day, well worth exhausting myself.

Instead of the pat on the back that would have left me with a spring in my step for days, I was pulled in and asked why I had failed to clean the bathroom. Instead of being congratulated for going above and beyond, and coping with a situation that pushed me to my mental limit, I was punished for the one thing I didn’t do. This was the slam on my arse that welcomed me into the life of high-functioning anxiety that many veterinary professionals suffer from today.

So back to my boyfriend’s flat in the dead of night. There I am, awake after waking up screaming I needed to check the cat that was in a critical condition and completely forgetting I was in fact at home in bed.

Needless to say this became a standard in my nightly exploits, along with a whole load of other nervous ticks I developed because failure just wasn’t an option.

I remember days of fluttering chest palpitations, panic attacks and continuous lists to help me ensure I didn’t trip up. Little did I know I would be used as a scapegoat for others, and sucked into the wheel of pain where those who came before me suffered and intended to pass that suffering on like a right of passage.

These people’s experiences were based on strict headteacher strategies, which relied on giving orders and a blame culture. The thing is, when you act like a headteacher, all you end up with are teacher’s pets and naughty children.

So many people wonder why blame culture is so rife in vet practices, and it stems from the lack of acceptance of mistakes and allowances for human error. Yes, we are in a profession where errors can have serious consequences, but does that mean we need to stress our staff out so much they can barely make a decision without checking with a higher authority for fear of persecution? Stories like mine aren’t uncommon; they are interwoven into the fabric of the profession and I think there’s something we can do about it.

Challenge and change

So how do we move forward from this? Firstly, as individuals we need to spot the symptoms of our anxiety and challenge. Secondly, implement changes in our leadership styles to promote forgiveness and acceptance.

Here’s how to spot high-functioning anxiety:

• People pleasing – being afraid of disappointing people or letting them down, feeling it’s your duty to complete work and a fear of being a bad person.
• Talking a lot and having nervous chatter.
• Repetitively doing things or OCD-like tendencies.
• Overthinking.
• Difficulties with time management – either turning up early or late.
• Struggling to set boundaries and say no to requests.
• Sleep difficulties.
• Rumination – not being able to let stuff go.
• Mental and physical fatigue from overthinking.
• Seeking reassurance and checking things with another person to gain acceptance.
• Comparing yourself to others either in person or online.
• Limited social life due to work commitments and declining invitations.

The person with high-functioning anxiety has many positives in the team, but can also be suffering from his or her success. He or she is a loyal and trustworthy member of the team who is proactive and has an outgoing personality.

If this sounds like you, there are some things you can do:

Many resources are available to help you. Here are just a few of my favourites:

• The Headspace app: guided meditations in 5, 10 or 15-minute chunks.
• Audible: too tired to read? How about an audiobook instead?
• The Happy Place Podcast: some good old-fashioned feel good-ness.
• Please Yourself by Emma Reed Turrell: a guide to understanding and preventing people-pleasing.
• How Not To Suck as a Manager by AP Grow: a simple guide containing tips on how to make your mark as a manager and engage with your team.
• Instagram: find your tribe and fill your feed with people spreading positive messages that build you up. Unfollow the energy vampires.